The Crow and the Butterfly
by xxxmicanaxxx
Summary: A collection of songs can describe a life? Izaya Orhara is depressed when his sister Kanra Orihara dies in a car crash while she is in the car with Shizuo Heiwajima. Izaya seeks revenge on Shizuo, eventual character death and already dead character. Based off of Durarara with fem!Izaya.
1. Chapter 1: The crow and the butterfly

**Disclaimer: The song lyrics go to Shinedown and I do not own these characters. Enjoy.**  
**I dedicate this story to my friend Emily.  
**  
**My friend has been saying how she wishes that Kanra should be someone from Izaya's past, more like from Kadota's, Shinra's, and Shizuo's past also. She has said that it explains why Izaya Hates Shizuo so much and why Shizuo hates Izaya, also how Kadota and Izaya weren't on very good terms anymore but they still might talk. Shinra... well he's Shinra and he's almost always happy.  
**  
**So without further ado, I present to you~ The Crow and the Butterfly! Occasional song lyrics imputed into this story. **

**((I painted your room at**

**Midnight, so I'd know**

**Yesterday was over**

**I put all your books on the top shelf,**

**Even the one with the four leaf clover**

**Man, I'm getting older **

**I took all your pictures off the wall**

**And wrapped them in a newspaper blanket**

**I haven't slept in what seems like a century,**

**And now I can barely breathe.))**

Izaya finally got around to looking in Kanra's room. It had been two months since she passed away and her room was something he had tried to avoid. It was too harsh to look at, all the memories of the times that she would come bounding out of the room, excited for no reason, or even to yell at me. They always replayed when I see her door, closed, unlike all the other times, it was always open but now he couldn't look inside the room at all.

This was the day he finally could. He wasn't sure if he wanted to get rid of her stuff or keep it, to change the room or to leave it. The books were strewn all across the floor from the morning they had the fight. Her white wall still had a deep red stain from her blood. She had charged at me, I wouldn't let her go visit her damned boyfriend and when I pushed her back, she fell straight back on the wall, hard. The hook that had been what she used for holding up her jacket went straight into her back, curving upward into her. She had screamed out and panicked; instead of letting me help her she tore herself off of the hook, getting more blood everywhere. The hook thankfully didn't stick inside of her and just stayed in the wall, but it had left a huge opening on her back.

She didn't want to go to the hospital and had called Shinra to come take care of it. She never went back into her room after that, when Shinra had finished taking care of her wound she ran out the door, tears still in her eyes. She had called out to the both of them that she was going to be taking a ride with Shizuo to the beach that afternoon. Shinra had left after that, leaving me with the house by myself, it was abnormally quiet that day, I couldn't tell what the difference was, just figured that it was because Kanra hadn't left in a cheery mood like usual and that they had had a fight for the first time in three years.

Izaya's eyes teared up as he remembered the scene of the incident again; it wasn't even that that killed her. He had nothing to do with it, well technically. He only started crying because he kept remembering that he wasn't able to apologize to her, she had just left that day, not wanting any further discussion on the topic. That was the last time he heard her voice, and it was when she was talking about that beast, the man who had killed off his sister and managed to survive the death penalty they were to both receive, even though he was in the car with her.

Izaya wiped his eyes and got to work, he knew what he wanted to do. He wanted the blood spot gone. The spot that had long ago ceased to keep dripping down to the floor. Now it just looked like the remains of a murder or splatter of someone who had been shot by a gun. He walked out of the room and down to the supply room his buildings janitor had. He picked the lock and stole a quart or white paint and walked back upstairs, into his apartment floor, and into Kanra's room. He set down the bucket of liquid that could possibly help his memories. He started taking everything off that wall that had been infected with the red reminder. He took off the hook, then all of her hanging photos, lastly he took down her shelf, the one she had begged him to install in her room countless number of times until he finally obliged. He picked up the books that she had thrown at him and put it on her shelf that's sole purpose was just for books, and many of them.

He set all the pictures aside and just out one sheet of newspaper above them, in case of any splatters. It was midnight by the time he actually got around to painting the wall itself. He set down some old newspaper on the carpet so it didn't turn white and any different from how her room would normally look. After a few strokes from the paint roller he became energetic and determined to rid of this stain on his life. Never did he make the effort to wash it off though. He believes that you can never run from your past, you can cover it up and act okay, but humans do not like to get away from things completely. No matter how traumatic the experience, they still want proof it happened for future reference or maybe so they could look back and feel confident on how much better they are now. Never do they fully get rid of it.

After an hour or so he put down the paint roller and tried to see if you could notice any red, you couldn't. Izaya nodded solemnly and set the paint aside, waiting for the wall to dry. He didn't want to sleep, he hadn't in a while and if he did it was only for three or less hours. He always woke up with nightmares, nightmares that he would lose everything else close to him. He felt older, even though he was only nineteen. Everyone had just graduated three months ago and was getting on with their lives, none of them planning on college, Shinra became an underground doctor, He was still indecisive of what he would do, and Kanra had been too. His old friend, recent rival, Shizuo has been skipping through jobs all through high school but finally got a steady job at a local bar, and Izaya hated that. Hated him. Sure they fought in high school but those were just friendly fights, Kanra had made us cooperate and like each other. Now it unwound and everything fell apart.

_ Remembering the past made it hard to breath, everything was nostalgic, but the memories also brought Kanra back into his mind, not that she ever left it. He felt as if a part of him was gone; he wanted to find her again. Maybe someone like her that could try to replace her but not all of the way. No one could ever replace her all of the way. Everyone loved her, she was opposite of me, she never got into a fight. She was so kind, the city loved her, no one even tried to harass her, the most they would do is beg her to take a flower a little child had picked for her and she gladly accepted that._ _She was always smiling, never sad, and yet the last moments I remember with her is her evil glare towards me, just the look shouted that she hated me, there were tears in her eyes, something that didn't belong there and never will. _

**((Just like a crow chasing the butterfly**

**Dandelions lost in the summer sky**

**When you and I were getting high as outer space,**

**I never thought you'd slip away**

**I guess I was just a little too late))**

As he waited he walked over to her closet and looked through her clothes, they were all different bright colors, quite opposite of his which only consisted of black and occasional red. He was like a crow compared to a butterfly. His sister was the social butterfly, talking to everyone just to make friends, but he was the crow, he only talked to people to get interesting information from them and it was easy for him. Most people hated him, which made him sad to think of, he wished to be loved like his sister, he couldn't bear the thought of more people hating him, and probably more than he hated himself. He could continue making up comparisons for him and his sister as much as he wanted too, the list seemed to go on for a while. He was death she was light, He was a thorn while she was a petal, he was a worthless weed while she was a beautiful dandelion.

_Even though when we were together we would always be laughing and feel as if there were no stress between us and our society differences, I could tell she was concerned for me. She wanted me to do something I loved to do, not sit around and watch people from above. But, sister, what I have learned is, I do love doing that. I just wish they would love me like they loved you.  
_  
No one believed that the towns precious jewel had passed away, no one wanted to believe it, even after the funeral that everyone seemed to have attended. They learned to accept it now, but kids still waited on streets, hoping for her to return and accept their flowers. She had always made one specific route every day since she got lost easily. That's where the kids wait, their mother sobbing because of their actions and the father trying to explain she won't ever come back. Even I don't want to believe it but I accepted it, much faster than the city. No one ever thought you would slip away, it seemed impossible for something that brightened up everyone's life to pass away.  
The ambulance passengers that had tried to save her as fast as they could now hold it over their shoulders that they were a little too late. The truck driver that had smashed into Shizuo's side of the car, the one that had started the accident, committed suicide the day before his trial in court. Just her being gone has created a huge change in the once happy city. Everyone seems depressed now; good people have randomly broken into fights on the street now.

_ Explaining all the changes would be hard, since I have not been outside in the past three weeks. I was tired of all the sympathy people sent my way, finally noticing me now that she was gone. _

**((Your words still serenade me,**

**Your lullabies won't let me sleep**

**I've never heard such a haunting melody.**

**Oh, it's killing me**

**You know I can barely breathe))**

Her last words still play throughout me, at night her lullabies keep me awake, they had once put me to sleep when I was little, but now they were like a sharp knife, stabbing my heart over and over with each sweet word she used to whisper to me to comfort me. _It was worse when one of my nightmares had allowed one of her songs to seep in and she was there. Singing the song in a very soft but creepy voice, her eyes started to melt from their sockets and her smile twitched into something disturbing before she whispered a different word than normal in the melody.  
_  
"Please let me give you your sweet _revenge_, you deserve it for all of the things you have done."

_After those words passed she disappeared and all you could see was a picture of her and I together, slowly ripping apart. _  
_These nightmares are going to be the death of me, aren't they?  
_  
Izaya finished putting the pictures back up on the wall, after it had dried and walked out her bedroom door. He felt as if he really needed to move on and soon but could not.

He wanted revenge on Shizuo; he wanted him to go through the same pain he is going through.  
A few months later Izaya started his plan, it all started with logging onto a chat site, his username is none other than Kanra.


	2. Chapter 2: How you remind me

_**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters nor do I own the song or lyrics.**_

_**Yes I am aware that I skip some lines for the lyrics in these, that is because it may repeat or not be needed.**_

_**Enjoy.**_

_**((Never made it as a wise man**_

_**I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing**_

_**Tired of living like a blind man**_

_**I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling**_

_**And this is how you remind me**_

_**This is how you remind me**_

_**Of what I really am**_

_**This is how you remind me**_

_**Of what I really am))**_

_No one ever thought of Izaya Orihara as a wise man, he had always skipped classes to do other things that appealed to him. It never occurred to him that the thing that appealed him was observing humans, he just thought watching their doings and pathetic problems was interesting. When school had ended for good, he didn't know what to do, he never had a goal. He felt like a blind man, especially after his sister died. He watched his life crawl by without really any emotions. He had thought he lost all sense of feeling the day he received the phone call bearing the worst news ever._

_The only feeling he knew he had was hate and sadness, regret was added into that mix. One day he suddenly awoke after having a new nightmare. This one had Shizuo in it though, along with the normal dying Kanra. But just that dream made him realize what he should live for. He should live, just to make Shizuo miserable._

_That sudden realization had happened a few months ago and now he was already starting everything. He had a job as an info broker; he started unnecessary things in Ikebukuro and made sure Shizuo heard of the happenings. He loved humans, he loved their reactions! Their decisions! It was all so entrancing! Everything they did was so predictable but yet so new and entertaining! He would never get bored of this, setting people up just to crush their dreams or feelings satisfied him. But not enough, those people were not Shizuo. He wanted to see Shizuo's pain and suffering. The fortissimo of Ikebukuro will fall one day and it will be all his doing!_

_Shizuo reminded Izaya of Kanra, it was still painful to think of how she was gone but he learned to cover up his feelings after lying low for some time. How Kanra fell in love with a beast, he would never know. But that doesn't matter anymore._

_**((It's not like you to say sorry**_

_**I was waiting on a different story**_

_**This time I'm mistaken**_

_**For handing you a heart worth breaking**_

_**And I've been wrong, I've been down,**_

_**Been to the bottom of every bottle**_

_**These five words in my head**_

_**Scream "are we having fun yet?"))**_

_Shizuo was so unexpectable; the first time since the day Kanra had died Shizuo had walked up to him and apologized. He had almost a tear in his eyes and he kept going on about how he didn't know how she got hurt when he tried to protect her. He said that he had grabbed her arm before her head could smash into anything, but somehow glass had stabbed her in the heart. He had been expecting a different story, one that explained how he wasn't guilty, and one that said he wasn't to blame and that he wasn't sorry at all._  
_He had metaphorically handed me the broken heart of my sister, the lifeless bloody doll that people called my sister. He was such a beast, Kanra had given her heart to him and he crushed it. A beast shouldn't be able to have such fragile things! Things that had such meaning to the world._

_Izaya had wondered why none of the citizens in Ikebukuro hates Shizuo for the accident; he hated Shizuo solely for that reason. Shizuo had thrown his life into a dark hole and he wanted out of it. Only when Shizuo was dead though. Izaya had gotten into drinking also; he always had a thing of whiskey hidden in his jacket now._

_But back to the present happenings, Izaya popped up off the couch suddenly._

"_I should mess with Shizu-chan! I haven't seen him in a while! Wouldn't it be such~ a surprise for him?"_

_Izaya walked out of his house determined to find the new ex-bartender just to mess with him. Yes he was an ex-bartender all because of Izaya, he had gone to the police and reported a false crime on Shizuo and had gotten him arrested, only for him to be let out soon after. But Shizuo couldn't get his job back and that brought joy to Izaya. He was already ruining his rival's life._

_After a while of searching around Ikebukuro he heard his name being growled in a very pissed off voice. He found Shizu-chan~ … and a new trash can flying straight at him, which he easily dogged. _

"_IIIZZZZAAAYYYYYYAAAA-KUNNNNN!"_

"_Shizu-chan!" He hated this man's guts, but he had to try and keep this playful tone he was using as cover up._

"_Izaya! I told you to stay away from Ikebukuro!"_

"_But I have some business to attend to here! I had to come here~" Izaya smirked._

"_All you cause is trouble!" With this ending statement he threw the street sign he had ripped from the ground at Izaya, once again easily dogged. Izaya ran down the road occasionally looking back to throw a knife over at Shizuo. This only made the beast rage even more as his speed of throwing things increased. This continued on for a good twenty minutes until Izaya went around a curve and peeked his head back out._

"_Having fun yet, dear Shizu-chan?" after that he ran down the alley and jumped over the fence escaping, leaving the beast breathing rapidly and growling._

_**((It's not like you didn't know that**_

_**I **__**said I love you and**__** I s**__**wear I still do**_

_**And it must have been so bad**_

_**Cause living with me must have damn near killed you))**_

Izaya wasn't sure why Shizuo wouldn't just give up and succumb to death. He always thought Shizuo should just accept that he was supposed to die with her. Yet, Shizuo continued to live and breathe as if nothing had happened to who he supposedly loved. Yes, he had heard him at the hospital the day his own world fell apart. It was a painful memory to think of; especially when it was all lies!

But still, the moment could reply through his head, as if it had happened just a minute ago.

_Shizuo was standing next to Kanra's death bed with tears in his eyes. He was focused on her face as if he would never see it again after this. It struck me as odd because I had not yet known that everyone's attempts to save her had failed. I watched their little scene, stuck in the doorway not wanting to interrupt the conversation. I still had yet to notice the eerie stillness of Kanra's chest and the silent heart monitor. I had hated Shizuo that moment, seeing him and seeing my twin in a hospital bed. I remember thinking that I wouldn't forgive him if she had a lifelong injury. _

"I love you, I hope you knew that, that if you can still hear me or even acknowledge me from above... That you know I will still love you no matter may be gone, but you're not in my memories or in anyone else's'. I'm sorry that I couldn't save you. I tried, I used my body to block you from getting any effects of the semi hitting us... but I couldn't- I couldn't- stop the glass." _Shizuo choked up on his words after that, making everything else he tried to say mess up and become barely audible words between his sobs._

Izaya shook his head to get rid of the memory. He kept wondering if Kanra thought living with him was that bad... so bad that the morning where the hook could have easily went through her heart, the hook that could have easily killed her, was enough to make her run off without saying goodbye. He was thoroughly convinced that Shizuo and her were running off together. Planning to never come back, he wouldn't accept the real truth, for that would give him a reason to hate Shizuo less.

_Living with me would have nearly killed you, but living with Shizuo did kill you. _

**((And this is how, you remind me**

**Of what I really am**

**This is how, you remind me**

**Of what I really am))**

Her room was a reminder, the high school was a reminder, every semi-truck Izaya seen was a reminder, and Shizuo was a reminder.

The day Shizuo had been run over by a truck brought joy to Izaya's heart for a few seconds, until he realized the beast within Shizuo had come out and saved him yet again. He stood up, injuries hardly noticeable, and walked over to continue the fight with Izaya. Just like nothing had happened. Just like the incident did not remind the monster of his dead twin sister. How could Shizuo he so violent to Izaya after all those reminder and look-alikes played through? No one knew, even Izaya doubts that Shizuo even has a functioning thought in the big head of his. All he knows is fighting and violence, claiming to hate violence only a few seconds after complete destruction on his part.

That was one reason why Shizuo needed to be gone forever. He was a constant reminder, a not too good reminder at that.

His sister was gone forever and dead to the world, she has no more feelings, no more thoughts, not even a mere existence. She is just gone. Sure she was still being thought of, but that does not bring someone back after death, after the soul disappears, not even going to an afterlife. No, Izaya doesn't believe that an afterlife is accurate.

_So why is it still hard to forget them if they forgot you?_

The question rang through his head constantly, the only answer he could think of was simply, he did not want to forget.

Life would somehow seem empty if he forgot if he forgot there would be no fond memories of her, nor bad memories. But he would not be fighting Shizu-chan either, and that was starting to turn into something he couldn't go more than a month without. Izaya didn't want to admit this, but he didn't want his lifestyle to change from how it was playing out now. He was actually enjoying this. The old high-school Izaya was gone. The new Izaya was here, the trolling, successful, and godlike Izaya. The better version. He never shed any tears for Kanra in public, and hardly when he was alone. He didn't want someone to see. Gods should not cry, so he didn't. Gods shouldn't care about the ones below him, they act as if they are concerned, but they don't really care. So he didn't.

He continued to live by these rules, never breaking the rules he set for himself. He continued forcing his smile to gain the pathetic teenagers trust, only to crush it later on to his advantage.

He was forever evolving to adapt to this world. To top everyone in this world, ruling over them without their complete knowledge of it. Evolving to become a god of Ikebukuro and the surrounding cities.

**Know any revenge songs that would fit this story? Put it in your review or PM me, please. :)**


End file.
